http://animelila.gimnastas.net/descargas/desc_wp_otr.htm <yuri

http://www.animefestivalorlando.com/

True Emergency Room Visits!
some are very icky

FATTY AND SKINNING------- A slender 45-year-old man from Georgia reported broken ribs after having to literally escape from his 300-pound wife. Apparently, she had accidentally rolled onto him while sleeping, crushing his ribs. Ashamed by her weight problem and what she had done, she refused to let her husband leave he house. But he broke out a few days, whilst she was sleeping and went straight to the hospital.

SUPERMAN TO THE RESCUE----A neighbour of a newly wed couple was worried when she didn't hear her rather noisey neighbours for a while. A few days later, she peered through their letterbox and through the windows. But there was no sign of anyone. Concerned for the young couple, she called the police. The officers promptly broke down the door, then searched the house. Only to find the young women gagged and tied to the bed. Her husband was lying unconscious on the floor, wearing a Superman Outfit. They later explain that they had been engaged in a superhero role-playing fantasy, and the costumed husband had knocked himself out attempting to jump onto his wife from atop the dresser. Of course, the woman was unable to help him!

THE RUNAWAY STRETCHER -------- An elderly woman was been transported to another hospital in an ambulance. The paramedics were quietly talking to her when the ambulance doors suddenly opened while they were journeying up an incline. The stretcher she was strapped to flew out, rolled down the hill at tremendous speed, before tipping over, narrowing missing two cars travelling in the opposite direction.

THE SHOCK OF HIS LIFE------An 18-year-old High School leaver from Birmingham, Alabama was rushed into the ER after he been severely electrocuted. After much hesitance, he later explained that he had been sat at his computer, visiting some "adult" websites. After his "right hand had said hello to his One Eyed Snake", he came, spraying his bodily fluids all over the keyboard and onto the screen, causing the current to pass through his body.  Eeew....

INNER SKELETON----- A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

SOFA GAL----- A 400lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit and a dime was found under one of her breasts.  That's it, I'm never becoming a doctor

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball.

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.  Idiot....

meow

Stuff to do in a shopping mall


Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.

Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.

Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.

At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"

Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.

Stomp on unopened tomato ketchup packets at Burger King...

...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food." 

Ask mall cops for stories of World War II.

Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.

Test mattresses in your pajamas.

If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.

Sprint up the down escalator.

Sprint down the up escalator.

Stare at static on a display tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."

Ask appliance personnel if they have any tv's that play only in Spanish.

Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.

At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.

Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.

Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Tolliette.

Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens. Take the jelly beans.

Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."

Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.

Play the tuba for change.

Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.

Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw."

"Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.

Ask the information desk for a pram(stroller), and someone to push you around in it.

Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell." Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.



Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof."

Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real. Pay with fake ones.

If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.

Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "what's the password?"

Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.

At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.

Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man." If you're a girl, say the same thing.

Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.

Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.

Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and mumble, 'It's those voices again'.

Go into a fitting room and yell real loud, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"

Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

Hold indoor shopping cart races.

"Test" the tooth brushes. Afterwards, place them back on the shelves in their packaging.

Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. and see if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

Ride Escalators up and down.

Take objects off counters and place them in unsuspecting shoper's baggages.

Place "Kick me " signs on unsuspecting mall cops.

Stand by picture booths, when a couple is about to take a picture, immediately jump in with a good excuse.

Pretend you are answering to someone very loudly, when people tell you to be quiet yell "Shut up I am talking to the voices".

At fast food restaurant areas, show people your scabs, blisters and moles.

When people are about to buy a video game tell them its not so good, the trick is to see how many people you can convince not to buy a game.

Free the animals in the pet store, tell the store owner the voices in your head told you to complete this task.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

It depends on who you ask.......

GeorgeBush's Answer: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here. 

Bill Gates' Answer: I have just released chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.

Dr. Sues' Answer: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Jerry Seinfield's Answer: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Pat Buchanan's Answer: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Jerry Falwell's Answer: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

John Lennon's Answer: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Aristotle's Answer: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Saddam Hussein's Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Captain Kirk's Answer: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder's Answer: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Bill Clinton's Answer: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

The Bible's Answer: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Albert Einstein's Answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

L.A.P.D.'s Answer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Spock's Answer It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time.

Currently Listening 200 Km/H In The Wrong Lane see related

2ND COMIC  CLICK ON IT COMIC FOR MY CLASS CLICK ON IT

If Men Got Pregnant...

Maternity leave would last two years... with full pay.

1. There would be a cure for stretch marks.
2. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
3. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
4. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
5. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
6. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
7. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
8. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
9. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
10. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
11. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
12. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.
13. Women would rule the world.

14 Reasons Why It's Better To Have A Cat Than A Boyfriend,

 'cept Ralph, cause he's cool

1. A cat won't wake you up at 3 am because it wants to make love to you.
2. A cat doesn't use the phone for hours.
3. A cat loves you until it dies.
4. You don't have to tell your cat you love it - it *knows* you do.
5. A cat never calls you on the phone in the middle of the night saying "...ooooh I'm soooo druuuunk, wiiiill youuuuu taaake meeee hooooooome..."
6. You don't need to help your cat with Calculus or Statistics.
7. A cat doesn't care if you haven't been eating for two days.
8. A cat doesn't want to borrow money from you.
9. You don't need to buy your cat expensive presents on its birthday.
10. You don't need to buy your cats mother expensive presents on her birthday.
11. A cat doesn't say "no" when you want the two of you to take a two week holiday on some romantic island in West India.
12. If there's a mouse in the house, the cat kills it, instead of making a lot of fuss about it.
13. A cat won't hate you if you have it castrated.
14. A cat won't hate you if you're castrated

The following tips are based on allegedly true stories:

1. If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.
2. If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
3. If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with water.
4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
6. It's okay to use the Poloroid Land Camera on a boat.
7. When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.
8. When your PC says "You have mail," don't go to the company mail room and look for a package.
9. The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English language web pages into French.
10. If you're in the armed services, and it's April 1st, and you get an e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.
11. If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don't have to specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh.  

Currently Listening 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane By t.A.T.u. see related

http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/index.html aww it's so cute!!!!

salad fingers!! http://www.fat-pie.com/salad.htm

random cosplay

 i see hotness!!

Mental Health Hotline

"Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, press 1, repeatedly.

If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5 & 6.

If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a Manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press ... no-one will answer.

If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have Bi-polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later.

If you have Low Self Esteem, please hang up. All our operators are far too busy to talk to you. "

 http://duoshellsingrpg.proboards26.com/index.cgi i need to remember this